Long Distance Wife

Today marks one month since I left my husband in the Netherlands. This difficult time has felt more like four years to us. I no longer feel like I am only twenty-one and I no longer feel like a newlywed. What Pieter and I have gone through in the first six months of marriage has made us feel like we have been married for a lot longer than six months.

So what is life like for a long distance wife? It is lonely. Normally, I get up in the morning and he is already halfway through with his day. With the six hour time difference, Pieter and I have to carefully plan out our days together in order to be able to talk at all. I am so grateful for the invention of skype and webcams. When we talk, I usually want to spend that time making plans for our future or talking about us, while he usually wants to spend it watching tv together or having a light conversation to enjoy the small amount of time we are able to spend together. It is always good to see his face, even if the webcam makes it look blurry.

We try to catch up face to face daily, but there is quite a difference between the months we spent dating long distance the past two years and the months we are now spending as a married couple long distance. On September 13th, 2014 I vowed to be "by his side no matter where life took us". As his wife I have a role that is difficult to fulfill from 3,000 miles away. It is beyond stressful to not be able to take care of him and to not know when we will have a normal life together again.

There are financial troubles as we work together from a distance and communicating through emails is not easy or convenient. Due to the unexpected financial obligations of this process, I have had to learn to live an even more frugal life than I did before.This spring is the first spring since I graduated high school that I have not taken any college classes. Although I was never the academic type, I miss doing college assignments very much. It is defeating to me to have this burden of an "unfinished degree" on my back.

Not a day goes by that I do not think of the long timeline we have ahead of us. A countdown normally just makes my somber mood worse. Saying "150 more days" is just not comforting. Both of us spend a lot of our time trying to distract ourselves. Netflix has become like a companion. Cleaning, eating, and exercising are also options to make time pass by quicker. But at the end of the day I am still surrounded by too much empty space in my bed, dozens of pictures of the two of us happy together, and thousands of memories in my mind of days spent with the man that I love.

There have been times when I have longed for support_ to hear of anyone else who has had to go through a dark time similar to this. I search on Google for articles about 'long distance marriages' and there is no good advice. The reassurance of this situation 'only making us stronger' only comforts me for so long. My faith, patience, and trust in God is tested everyday.

The lyrics to the Audio Adrenaline song "He Moves, You Move" stuck out to me as I listened to the song on my way to work the other day. It says "He's the Author of your story, so let Him take you on the journey of your life." I will continue to follow my Guide.

Webcam pictures_ maintaining a sense of humor through it all!

I'm Back!

Here I am, back in America, back in my hometown, and back in my old bedroom. I am surrounded by boxes full of memories of a future that has been put on hold. More emotions and memories cloud my head than I can hold sometimes.

There are more days where I feel sorry for myself and want to crumble into pieces than there are days when I feel strong and confident about where my life is at. I have no idea how wives with husbands in the army do this. I am confused as to why God would choose me for this particular journey.

The concern and prayers from family and friends continues to be encouraging, but I do get exhausted from acting like I am okay and putting on a strong face for the world. I feel as if no one will ever fully understand the difficult time we are in and I am anxious for this time to become a distant memory. I am back at work now and I feel a little better about the situation now that I have a fairly steady income and have a small purpose in society again.

I want to take a moment to encourage husbands and wives to show gratitude, forgiveness, and love to their husband or wife whenever they can. Do not take the hugs and kisses, late night movies, and dinner conversations for granted. Tell them how much you love them and be thankful that they are there.

On My Way Back Home

Wednesday, February 25th was one of the loneliest days of my life. The ride to the airport was drawn out and emotionally exhausting. The days that led up to my departure held so much pressure. Neither Pieter nor I could wrap our minds around the fact that we would be apart for almost an entire half of a year. Our good-bye at the airport was long, but not long enough.

As I walked away to go through security, I left my husband behind and did not look back. I was afraid that if I did, the tiny bit of courage I had to go on this journey would vanish and I would run out the door into his safe arms once again. I was greeted by a kind man at security who thought I was Dutch. At that moment, I knew my journey home had begun.

Scared, I made my way to the bathroom and then to the appropriate gate where I waited horribly long to board the plane. Once I was on board, I was relieved to discover that I did not have a neighbor. I had the whole row of seats to myself. After taking a deep breath and fighting back tears, I settled in and drowned out the noise with my ear buds.

With forced confidence built, I headed into that familiar Copenhagen airport on my own for the first time. Following the arrival signs, I found myself in an empty area that I had a gut feeling I was not supposed to be in. I rushed into the bathroom acting like I had it all together, like I was totally intending upon visiting this certain restroom. I scrambled to get my new phone to work. Pieter and I had been over how to work this device several times. At this desperate time, I was afraid I was on my own and would not be able to reach him. Luckily, my text went through and my husband guided me back to where I was supposed to be.

I spent close to two hours wrestling with setting up the airport internet on my phone. I was hungry, but too stressed out to eat. For the first time it was not raining in Copenhagen when I was there, but as I watched the airplanes out the window, my eyes fogged up with tears as I realized I had no one to talk to.

The gate for my next flight could not have been further away. Boarding the plane, I dreaded being trapped in that metal tube for nine hours straight. I read the entire Scandinavian magazine before take-off. Three hours passed on that plane and each time I looked at the map on the screen I kept hoping that an intense wind would pick up and an hour or two would be deducted from this time in the air. I was exhausted, but could not sleep.

The plane was rather empty, which I appreciated. I tried hard to have a routine with listening to music, playing games on my phone, and watching movies they provided on the plane. I was learning already that the busier I was, the less time I had to think about my unfortunate situation. Keeping busy on an airplane is no easy task. There are no dishes to wash, articles of clothing to fold, or carpets to vacuum. There was no one to talk to, joke with, or lean on. This would be the longest nine hours of my life. 

For an American citizen, the process of returning to the States goes as smooth as butter onto freshly baked bread. I was through the lines in less than three minutes. I waited a while for my luggage, was sniffed by a bomb-sensing dog, and slid right through customs just like that! As I passed immigration and homeland security I prayed for the individuals going through the process my husband did. I prayed for their family members that were waiting for them on the other side that they may never see. Memories from that airport flowed through my mind all too vividly.

The scenario I had played in my mind over and over again as I tried to remain strong throughout the day finally came to be reality. My dad was there waiting for me and the relief that swept over me when I finally had someone to hug was incredible. The love, comfort, and support of my family overwhelms me.

Valentine Vogels (Birds)

As a Valentine’s Day surprise, Pieter and I went to Utropia, a bird sanctuary in Middelburg. It was a unique experience and a Valentine’s Day like no other.

While purchasing our tickets, we were greeted by a friendly white cockatoo that just wandered into the lobby and said “Hello”. It was creepy, but cute. I had a nice conversation with him. Upon entering the main room, there was a small gift shop and restaurant, nothing fancy. A large blue macaw greeted us and to my surprise, it was not fake. Looking on, there was a whole jungle of trees and plant life. Some birds flew freely in the artificial forest space, while most of them were in cages next to each other. The floor was covered in bird droppings and I am shocked that I left the building with a clean head.

The first attraction was a warm room with a large bathtub like fish tank. This tank held gara rufa, the type of fish used for a fish pedicure, also known as ‘doctor fish’. The instructions were to dip your hand in the water and the fish would nibble off the dead skin cells on your hand. I was frightened at the idea of dozens of tiny fish nibbling off my hand, but eventually gave it a try and loved the thrill. The next rooms were filled with gorgeous, colorful, and talkative birds. We tried to teach them new words, some Dutch and some English, but the birds were not versatile in their vocabulary.

In the center of the bird jungle was a large pool of humongous and brightly colored carp as well as small turtles that were probably terrified by the size of their pond-mates. The most random little creature that we stumbled upon was a tiny, furry prairie dog in the back corner. He was eating away at hay and running through the man made tunnels, making it difficult to get a good picture of him.

After our bird excursion, we went to a small café’ downtown and waited quite a while to be waited on and served, but the sandwiches we ordered ended up being worth the wait. From there we boarded the train to Vlissingen where we took the ferry to see the view across the Western Scaldis. By this time, the sun was setting and it was simply beautiful.

Our special day ended with dinner at none other than… McDonald’s where I got a hamburger happy meal and Hello Kitty glasses as my not so useful (or fun) toy.

Pieter's club sandwich

My chicken, mozzarella, and tomato sub

Decision Time

The name “Pieter” means ‘rock’. From the beginning of this journey when I was freaking out about only being able to pack four shirts for a month long trip, to the morning we were weighing our suitcases to check that they were not too heavy for the airplane, to the lunch at Arby’s in Strasburg on our way to D.C. where I kept making jokes because I was nervous, to putting off saying goodbye to my parents at the airport for the first time before we boarded the plane, my husband was there for me. If it was not for this man I would never have gotten to have this experience. He has been a patient teacher throughout our days in Arnemuiden. He biked slower for me, translated countless conversations for me not to feel so lost, and guided me around the town_ sharing memories of his childhood with me. He has held my hand through every take off and descent during all of our flights, he has made me feel safe and protected among a sea of strange people, he has listened to me when I needed to vent, and he has provided a warm shoulder to lean on when I miss the comfort of home. Pieter has been my rock during this trip. We will celebrate our five month wedding anniversary this Friday and our first Valentine’s day not only being married, but also being in the same country. Although I am not big on celebrating every little occasion in our marriage, this one seems important being that we will not be together for our six month anniversary.

Throughout this excursion I have learned that I am not as adventurous as I thought I was. During the awkward years of high school and the beginning of college, I always wondered whether I would be the girl who traveled the globe, who moved down south, or who stayed as her parent’s next door neighbor. My parents would joke about their children each building homes on the property around the house we grew up in. During my stay in Europe, I have discovered that my comfort zone is about the size of a child’s playpen. I crave familiarity, convenience, and I am not as brave and tough as I try to convince people I am. After being in seven different airplanes in a course of two months, one would think I would be comfortable and familiar with flying, but truth is_ I am terrified of flying. The reason for my return comes with one of the many lists I have made in an attempt to organize and make sense of my life. While my time here in the Netherlands has been educational, enjoyable, and extended, Pieter and I have decided that I can be more useful from the other side of the pond.

Being in America will provide me the opportunity to work again. This will allow me to make money to begin building a foundation for our continued life together in America, whenever that may take place. The main aspect I have missed about my life at home has been my independence. I have lost close to all of it in my time here. I rely on Pieter to get me food, communicate with those around me, and plan activities. I really never have any idea what is going on here. Independence, confidence, and purpose will come with having a job again and being able to drive around on my own again. I will also be present for the meetings with the lawyer and will be able to take care of paperwork firsthand. My parents and I have been told that this may speed up the process of Pieter’s return. We’ll see.

With this plan comes a great wave of emotions. While we will be back together for Pieter's 28th birthday and our one year wedding anniversary, we will be apart for the second half of our first year being husband and wife. The situation seems unfair, to say the least. My frustration and anger with the U.S. government and airline system continues to smolder, but as a couple who is just beginning their journey of growing and learning about one another, we know we will make it through this time and come out stronger in the end.

America the Beautiful

Before coming over to the Netherlands, I held very little knowledge of what the culture would be like and how I would relate to the individuals I met there. One really cannot know what a country is like until he or she has visited it and has had encounters with different groups of people in that country. After having been in the Netherlands for almost two months, I think it is time for me to write a post about how the American lifestyle compares to the Dutch lifestyle.

There seems to be a lot of curiosity and misinterpretation about America and the people that live there. I would like to try to affirm the true stereotypes and break the false ones. A lot of the knowledge that individuals hold about foreign countries comes from the only thing they have to influence them, oftentimes television shows and movies. This explains why a lot of outsiders have such an extreme outlook on how Americans live and behave.

In no specific order, I will begin with this subject of football. In America this is a topic that people either bond over or fight over. During football season many individuals spend their Sunday afternoons watching this famous game that I have never grown to appreciate. I have no idea why football is popular and why it seems to outrank all other sports, but it does. Many times football is the center of family get togethers, the game is on and everyone gathers around.

Holidays are bigger, brighter, and I would say ‘better’ in America. We set aside whole aisles in stores filled with decorations, cards, candies, and gifts for every important holiday. Special occasions include New Years, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Independence Day (4th of July), Back to School, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It is hard to forget or ignore holidays that are approaching when you are in America. This may be the cause of us being known as highly “materialistic”.

After being in the Netherlands for quite a while, I now agree that Americans can be very materialistic. My first reaction about homes and the lifestyle of Dutch people was that it was very basic. They are not constantly searching for a shortcut to do tasks or for the next best convenience to arrive in the store, but they seem to be satisfied with modest living. Bigger is certainly not better here.

Guns_ whenever the topic of guns is brought up in a conversation here it is always in a comical way. America’s obsession with guns is funny to Dutch people. Having a hand gun in your purse or a rifle under your bed is not necessary here. For the most part, people seem to feel more safe here.

On the topic of fast food, I have reminded my husband of how much more convenient American living is than over here. This is likely the cause of Americans being referred to as ‘lazy’ so often. We are lazy, but for good reason. In most towns there are convenient fast food restaurants on your way home for one to pick up a quick and easy meal. This method of dining is just easier and sometimes cheaper than buying groceries.

We drive everywhere! Where I come from, the Shenandoah Valley, there are hills, mountains, and valleys around every turn. It’s a beautiful country, but walking to the store or biking to the doctor just is not an option. Other than the rough topography, the busy streets are dangerous to be out on even in a car. Having a vehicle is not optional if you want to get anywhere in America.

New York City, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Seattle, and Chicago_ these are the cities you see in movies and tv shows. My town and thousands of other American towns are nothing like these eventful cities. Many foreign outsiders dream of visiting America to go see these busy cities. They are missing out on the real beauty of America if they think that this is all there is to the beautiful country.

Breakfast and meals are much larger most of the time. This very much depends on the person and their lifestyle, but for the most part, any American would appreciate eggs, bacon, pancakes, and hash browns in the morning, especially on a holiday. I like to vary what I eat most mornings. I chose between waffles, fruit, yogurt, oatmeal, or a muffin. Lunch and dinner oftentimes need to be quick and easy for most American families. Parents work, kids are at school or doing activities and we are just busy. Judging from the individuals I know, lunch is rarely ever spent with family. It’s a time where you either pack a salad, sandwich or leftovers from last night's dinner and you eat at work or school, or you go out to eat with friends, or you drive by Chickfila or Wendy’s real quick on your lunch break. Dinner consists of a meat, vegetable, starch, and sometimes a fruit. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans is a perfect example of an ideal American dinner.

Americans do love to eat, and we do not simply eat to live. Food is fun, tasty, and convenient, which is probably why the obesity rate is so high in America. We pride ourselves in our ability to make a delicious variety of dishes with zest and flavor. Anything from burgers, hot dogs, lasagna, spaghetti, chili, tacos, pizza, pork bbq, corn on the cob, peach cobbler, roast beef sandwiches, chef salads, fried chicken, ravioli, loaded baked potatoes, macaroni and cheese, baked beans, bacon cheeseburgers, burritos, shrimp… the spectrum of food available in America actually blows my mind now after being in the Netherlands.

We do have busy lives. While my stay here in the Netherlands has become quite mundane, I have observed how people are not half as busy as people in America. I know that America has parts of the country where people live slower and less stressful lives, but the majority of the population complains of always being too tired or too occupied with other obligations to take time to enjoy life. If I were able to have a job here and a home with my husband like we had in America, my life would still be very different due to the emphasis of living ‘simple’ here. As much as I may long to bring parts of America to this tiny village and have the conveniences I did back home, I understand that with those conveniences comes unnecessary stress. With that understanding, I am trying to embrace the differences and enjoy this time away from everything I took for granted in my hometown.

Fietsen (Biking)

It looks like I will have a lot more time to soak up the Dutch culture and experience the beauty of this land that is so far from the place I call home.

Pieter’s visa paperwork may take as long as fourteen months to complete. It seems as if this is where God wants me to be right now. I just have no idea why.

In the autumn of 2012 there were nights where I spent hours talking to a person on the other side of the world, just wishing I could be with him. Several times I looked into airplane tickets to be able to get to where he was. I was falling in love with Pieter and the ocean kept us apart. He and I would skype as he biked around the village. I would follow along on Google Map as if I were there with him, biking through the beautiful streets of Arnemuiden. 

Today, two years later, I biked on that same street with him, this time, in person.

My childhood was full of hours spent biking around the lawn. My sister and I would build ramps and obstacle courses and spend entire summer days playing outside. I biked for fun back then and I was really good at it. It has been ten years since my biking adventures and now I have no choice but to bike everywhere.
I am slowly getting used to this. After biking to Middelburg, about ten miles, the super market does not seem so far away. I recognize street names now and I have started knowing my way around the village. What I cannot seem to grasp is how to stop on a bike. That can be pretty dangerous in traffic.

I am convinced that this is just one of the many adaptations I will have to make as I transition into this new lifestyle in the Netherlands.