Decision Time

The name “Pieter” means ‘rock’. From the beginning of this journey when I was freaking out about only being able to pack four shirts for a month long trip, to the morning we were weighing our suitcases to check that they were not too heavy for the airplane, to the lunch at Arby’s in Strasburg on our way to D.C. where I kept making jokes because I was nervous, to putting off saying goodbye to my parents at the airport for the first time before we boarded the plane, my husband was there for me. If it was not for this man I would never have gotten to have this experience. He has been a patient teacher throughout our days in Arnemuiden. He biked slower for me, translated countless conversations for me not to feel so lost, and guided me around the town_ sharing memories of his childhood with me. He has held my hand through every take off and descent during all of our flights, he has made me feel safe and protected among a sea of strange people, he has listened to me when I needed to vent, and he has provided a warm shoulder to lean on when I miss the comfort of home. Pieter has been my rock during this trip. We will celebrate our five month wedding anniversary this Friday and our first Valentine’s day not only being married, but also being in the same country. Although I am not big on celebrating every little occasion in our marriage, this one seems important being that we will not be together for our six month anniversary.

Throughout this excursion I have learned that I am not as adventurous as I thought I was. During the awkward years of high school and the beginning of college, I always wondered whether I would be the girl who traveled the globe, who moved down south, or who stayed as her parent’s next door neighbor. My parents would joke about their children each building homes on the property around the house we grew up in. During my stay in Europe, I have discovered that my comfort zone is about the size of a child’s playpen. I crave familiarity, convenience, and I am not as brave and tough as I try to convince people I am. After being in seven different airplanes in a course of two months, one would think I would be comfortable and familiar with flying, but truth is_ I am terrified of flying. The reason for my return comes with one of the many lists I have made in an attempt to organize and make sense of my life. While my time here in the Netherlands has been educational, enjoyable, and extended, Pieter and I have decided that I can be more useful from the other side of the pond.

Being in America will provide me the opportunity to work again. This will allow me to make money to begin building a foundation for our continued life together in America, whenever that may take place. The main aspect I have missed about my life at home has been my independence. I have lost close to all of it in my time here. I rely on Pieter to get me food, communicate with those around me, and plan activities. I really never have any idea what is going on here. Independence, confidence, and purpose will come with having a job again and being able to drive around on my own again. I will also be present for the meetings with the lawyer and will be able to take care of paperwork firsthand. My parents and I have been told that this may speed up the process of Pieter’s return. We’ll see.

With this plan comes a great wave of emotions. While we will be back together for Pieter's 28th birthday and our one year wedding anniversary, we will be apart for the second half of our first year being husband and wife. The situation seems unfair, to say the least. My frustration and anger with the U.S. government and airline system continues to smolder, but as a couple who is just beginning their journey of growing and learning about one another, we know we will make it through this time and come out stronger in the end.