Here's to Two Years!

This post goes out to my man on the day we became husband and wife. Today we celebrate two years of marriage. Not many of you have had the chance of meeting my husband or getting to know him, but I hope that each of you will get the opportunity to meet him someday soon. 

I met Pieter at my first job at Brethren Woods Camp and Retreat Center. He was a foreign exchange counselor and a fun loving, goofy guy who was friends with everyone. His leadership qualities and his sense of humor were the first traits that caught my eye. It was not until the end of that summer that I realized "I really like this guy". The two of us had to wait seven months before going on our first date due to living in different countries. The ride to getting to know each other from there was never an easy one, but thirteen months after that first date, we got engaged and four months later we became a married couple! 

Our wedding day could have easily been a foreshadowing into how challenging our future together would be. I had a horrible cold and an ear infection, I felt miserable. I hardly remember the events of the day due to the Mucinex and the antibiotics I was on. Our little life together began and things were so happy and simple. Those four months we had as being normal husband and wife were wonderful. I wish I could go back in time and enjoy them a little more.

Christmas 2014

This has been quite a challenging year for the two of us. Last September we were blessed with a trip to Germany and Austria with Pieter's grandparents. In November I flew home for the holidays and we spent another segment of time apart. Spring 2016 was a hopeful and exciting time for us. We anticipated spending the rest of the year together in the States. After receiving the bad news about our visa in May, we pushed forward surprisingly well and comforted each other from separate countries. Reunited for a short time again in July, we made the most of our time together and went on an adventure in Paris, France. It was a lovely time of getting to know more about each other and it distracted us from the reality of our situation. In our second year of marriage we have only spent a total of twenty-one weeks together.

Paris 2016

Reading through the anniversary cards at Hallmark was tough this year. I became more and more bitter and depressed with every card I scanned through. I am normally a huge fan of celebrating every occasion and little achievement that passes in life, but not this year. It breaks my heart to think of how other couples are able to hold hands, fight in person, fix dinner for each other, go on evening walks, and spend every day together and they take it all for granted. Those are the everyday activities that the cards mentioned_ none of those pertain to us, so I never settled on a card. 

I miss my husband every single day. I grieve over the thought of the life we could be having together. Spending our wedding anniversary apart with no reunion in close sight is very difficult, to say the least. I went for a ride on the back roads tonight and took in the gorgeous sunset. Sunsets have always been a special part of our relationship and even our wedding colors, purple and orange, incorporated that. As I watched the gorgeous array of clouds and the fiery sun, I really let in set in that I was a wife who was spending these months all by herself. I burst into tears at the thought of going through my wedding anniversary without Pieter. No romantic dinner, balloons, champagne, fancy getaway, or flowers. I would not wake up to a good morning kiss or be sent off to work with an "I love you" and a hug. I would trudge on through the daily grind of this life as if it were just another day. 

After two years of marriage everyone else moves into their next phase of life with having children, starting new jobs, getting pets, buying houses, or getting promoted. I am becoming discontent as I am forced to remain in this time of waiting. God grant me with the patience and understanding as I continue to wait for Your great timing. 

With that said, I must state that I realize that there are many people out there who have it so much worse than we do. I am so very grateful that I am able to communicate with my husband on a daily basis through emails or skype calls. I am relieved that he is in a safe place and living with his family who loves him. He has a job and is able to enjoy playing sports and interacting in his community. It is a blessing to be able to spend special time together when I am able to visit every few months. 

We are halfway done with waiting to get together again. The next 44 days will fly by! Our pattern of "apart" and "together" has become routine for the two of us, but we are so very anxious for it to end. News about where our future years together will take place will be declared in December or January. For now, we thank God for the time we have been able to share, the memories we have made, and the lessons we have been able to learn this year together and apart. Today is a celebration of us and the strong union we share as we travel through life together, as a team, no matter where life takes us. I am thankful for Pieter and the role he plays in my life, even when we are miles and miles apart!

How do we do it?

How does one maintain a relationship when they only see each other for short segments at a time throughout the year? I have had many people who have been curious about this subject. It doesn't seem possible to carry on a long distance relationship between states in the U.S. much less a relationship with an ocean and a $700 plane ticket in the way!

Pieter and I dated long distance for about 14 months total before we got married. This involved various letters and perfume-scented cards sent in the mail, emails sent about how our day was just about every night, scheduling times to skype, and even Pieter calling me at 4am Netherlands time to talk to me at 10pm U.S. time before I went to sleep! We would dream together and hope for the future together just about every time we talked. Imagining how wonderful it would be to finally enjoy each other's company in person was what kept the relationship going, that, and common goals and interests (like any other relationship). Through this long distance bond we created a unique relationship and a lasting friendship.

Although it may not be the ideal way of dating, we certainly made it work. The day we became husband and wife was the day we had waited for and dreamed of all those months as we dated. As I vowed to share life with this man I was sure that I would never have to go another day without him by my side. I was thrilled to finally be settled down and have us both in one place to begin our life together. No more skype dates, late night phone calls, or emotional emails would have to be sent! He would be right there for me in person whenever I needed him and we could finally be a normal couple. 

That lasted for a short four months.

A long distance marriage is certainly different from a long distance relationship. It is something we have both grown used to, but would still not wish it upon our worst enemy. This type of marriage takes extra patience, strength, dedication, and determination. We have had to put all those dreams and hopes we once had  up on a shelf for a day we can only pray will eventually come . Very few conversations are spent talking of future children, pets, jobs, houses, or trips, because we no longer know where our future will take place.

We try to stay strong for each other and build the other one up when he or she is discouraged, but even that has become a struggle. Yet, somehow we manage still to make one another laugh. Whether it's my crazy to-do lists that I ramble on about, or reminiscing about the past, or something that happened at work... our friendship has withstood many trials and triumphs, but it still remains.

Left to Right: Vlissingen 2016, Bus ride in Eindhoven 2015, Paris 2016, and date night 2013.

Truth is, I would not want to "do life" with anyone else. Would I prefer for my husband and I to be together in one country for longer than 3 months? Yes. But this is our life. I was called to go on this journey for a reason. I will continue to support and encourage my husband. I will fight for him and stand up for him for however long it takes for this situation to be resolved. I pray each day that that will be soon. 

Life Goes On

As the month of August comes to an end, I feel one of my favorite times of the year closely drawing near. The air is cooler, the leaves have begun to blow in the wind, and the smell of pumpkin and cinnamon candles fills my room. September will come and Pieter and I will spend our 2nd wedding anniversary apart. My husband's 29th birthday will be on September 21st and I will not get to celebrate it with him. The thought of missing out on those special times together makes my heart sad.

Days keep dragging by. The reality of my young, married life being put on hold becomes more and more discouraging each day. I went through the boxes of the contents of our apartment today and my heart hurt at the reminder of all the lost memories. Planning for the future has become impossible. There is a constant looming of "what if the waiver gets denied?" and "what if the waiver gets approved?" It has become a battle of the mind. Some days I am optimistic and trust that God is in control of our future, other days I become terrified at the thought of my life being turned completely upside down. I am tired of living this way and we are ready for an answer, either way. After we have an answer we can plan accordingly. Where we will live, where we will work, when I will return to school...

People ask how we are doing and if we have had any progress in getting Pieter back to America. There has been quite a delay on filing, but everything will be in order next week and once we file, processing takes 2-4 months. It will be entirely in God's hands then.

People say that God never gives a person more than he or she can handle. All I know is that, without Him, I couldn't handle this. I would have collapsed in a heap a long time ago. When the burden becomes too much to bear, I listen to one of my new favorite songs, "Cast my Cares" by Finding Favour. It is hard to believe that it has been almost two years since this ordeal began, but I keep pushing on each day, because that is all I can do.

My Time In Holland

I flew in last Thursday after a pleasant, but long, flight. Exhaustion and jetlag hit me like a load of bricks and I basically slept away my first week here!

Summer in the Netherlands is nothing like home. It seems to be consistently windy here and the average temperature is mid-sixties. Feels more like spring. I'll know better next time to pack more sweaters and less swimsuits!

I have a gorgeous view out my window and can see for miles as the land is so flat, but I do miss my mountains. The sun does not completely set here until after 11pm... this makes it difficult for me to go to sleep at a normal time and just throws me off in general. 

My Dutch life is back to it's usual daily grind. I seem to forget what my life is like here every time I leave and then return again. New house, same routine! 

I get more and more used to this countries habits every time I visit. I figure after a while I may actually start to fit in! I have memorized the aisles of the grocery store to make my grocery list in order. I can now comfortably order from a Dutch menu at a restaurant. And the small sizes of everything do not bother me quite as much! The Dutch minimalistic life is growing on me! I have yet to get used to the bikes though...

I am only here for two more weeks, so I have begun planning my next trip that I suspect will not be as short as this one. News on Pieter's hopeful return to the States will not occur for many many more months, but upon my return to America I will be finalizing paperwork for his waiver and we will spend many months asking for God's favor in that situation. Whether God wants my future to be in the Shenandoah Valley or in Zeeland, only He knows. I am working everyday to accept whichever way it may go. 

Voyage Number Nine

Next week I will make my ninth voyage across the ocean to be with my husband. I think of this short trip as a sort of "vacation" for the two of us after the traumatic mess we went through earlier this year. When I kissed my husband goodbye at the airport on May 1st we thought we would only be apart for a few weeks. That time turned into two very long, sad, and lonely months for both of us. Pieter has been working almost non-stop day in and day out trying to save money on his end and I have been working as many hours as I can to pay for our immigration-oriented bills (plane tickets, waiver fees, and lawyer fees). This has left very little time for fun as the summer is almost half over!

I will only be able to visit for a few weeks, but we have every intention of making every minute count as we will be apart for quite a few months after this trip. We hope to have this I-601 waiver completed by August and sent in by September. It has involved a lot more time and paperwork than either of us anticipated. For all that have contributed with letters or financial donations_ thank you!

Whenever someone asks about how the process is going and are wondering why in the world my husband has not returned yet, I mention this "waiver" business. To help clear up some of the mystery, here is what this waiver is all about:

In order to fully understand it, I must start from the beginning! When Pieter interviewed at the U.S. Consulate in Amsterdam and they gave him the approval, we all celebrated and sighed with relief because he would get to return to America and we could finally be together! We celebrated because the U.S. Consulate is supposed to have the last say in any visa case. We did not suspect that there could be a change in the results the next day. Well, there was.

When Pieter's approval got changed to "in administrative processing" that meant that U.S. border control was reviewing the case once more... they suspected something. 

When they scanned their database they found that my husband was recorded as having given a false statement in an airport interview by answering "no" to the question of "have you ever overstayed a visa?"   Pieter's work visa expired in September, the month we got married. He and I were both under the impression that once you married a U.S. citizen you were fine to remain in the United States. To our surprise, that rule had changed. Therefore, Pieter's reply of "no" to this question, was considered a lie.

We are now where we are simply because of misinformation and misunderstanding. It is rough knowing that something so seemingly minute could cause such a ruckus in the system and cause a newly married couple to spend months at a time apart from one another. If only we could have the chance to state our piece and make our intentions known, I truly believe this could all be cleared up with a conversation. But we are now thrown into a pile of other discouraged individuals, criminals, and likely terrorists who are trying to make their way into the country.

The waiver that we are working on filing is based solely on me and my life circumstances at the moment. I must prove to the USCIS that I am in extreme hardship without my husband here with me. Medical, spiritual, educational, financial, mental, and familial reasons can be given to plead my case. I must accurately back each reason up with documents regarding how these are extreme hardships. I feel tremendous pressure to complete this task and am deeply saddened that it has come to this.

As a wife who has been put in such a desperate position, I am determined to get my case heard, so I have made the decision to contact various government officials to inform them about my situation. If anyone reading this knows of a community, state, or other government leader that I should contact, please contact me by email or through facebook. We greatly appreciate all encouragement, prayers, and positivity as ours runs low on difficult days!

I appreciate prayers for safe travels, as well as peace in our hearts as we have to depart from one another once again in just a few weeks. Words cannot even begin to describe how much I am ready for all of this to be over. . .

Purpose in the Pain

Having no end in sight is draining. While it is exhausting to complain about my situation all the time, it is also exhausting to pretend that I am fine.

The real answer to the common question of "How are you?" will always be "not fine" . . . I am not fine. Would you be fine if the love of your life was torn away from you and you were forced to live out your marriage in two separate countries, not able to do even ordinary everyday things together? Or would you be fine if you were told that that special loved one would be allowed back with you and then had that joy ripped away from you? At times my heart physically begins aching to be with my husband, but there is no way for me to get to him. 

After receiving word that our marriage visa was most definitely denied, we were optimistic about the next step. The waiver process seemed like it would go smoothly and we were ready to get it done and wrap all of this up!

Reality is, the waiver is going to take a while to put together. Information is needed to prove my extreme need to have my husband here with me in the States and it is not definite that the waiver will be granted. 

Throughout this entire series of unfortunate events I have never really gotten angry. I have spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, feeling lonely, feeling confused, and feeling extremely sad, but never angry. The more I consider our situation and the honest individuals we are, the more I know I should be angry about what has happened to us, but never do. 

The way I see it, God knew this was coming and He knows when, or if, it will end. I cannot seem to find meaning in all of the lonely nights, missed opportunities, and tears shed, but I do know that with God, there is always a purpose with the pain. He will see us through. . .

With A Little Help From My Friends

The week of horrible news has finally ended and Pieter and I are moving forward with determination! Continuing to maintain a marriage while communicating through limited time over skyping conversations and working around a six hour time difference is stressful. Long distance has become our usual by now, but I would give just about anything to have even a day to be with my husband in person.

I continue to work at Cracker Barrel as a waitress and Pieter is working in the Netherlands with a temp agency at a fertilizer packaging company. We both enjoy our jobs and are thankful to have a steady income, as well as, understanding employers who know a little about our situation and allow me to leave for short period's of time to visit Pieter in the Netherlands.

This past week we have been working with our immigration lawyer to come up with a plan of action in getting Pieter's waiver packet completed and turned in. We hoped to have this accomplished by the beginning of June. The next countdown of 3-5 months for processing will begin once the fees are paid and the packet is mailed. 

With this waiver comes a fee that we were anticipating and that we, with our small salaries, could handle. It also came with another unexpected fee for processing. This payment must be made before any more progress on the waiver can take place. The result of waiting to save up enough money means Pieter's return will continue to be pushed further and further away.

Both Pieter and I feel immensely blessed from the amount of prayers and steady followers that did not drop us at the first sign of delay in the beginning! We can truly say to those who have been able to keep up- wow ... and thank you! And to those who have shown concern and given much needed hugs- thank you!

We ask each of you now, humbly, and with grateful hearts, that you would be in prayer and consideration of helping me and Pieter with the processing fees in order to quickly file the waiver and bring Pieter back to America.
Please view and share our fundraising page here:
https://www.youcaring.com/pieter-and-lydia-tramper-577254