Oh The Places You Can Go!

We have come a long way and it is finally setting in that we have a place of our own now here in Arnemuiden! The feeling is surreal after all we have been through.

Pieter's family has been more than understanding as we have come and gone from their home so many times. I remember back in 2015 we were living out of just one bedroom. We were ecstatic when our search for a place just for the two of us ended and we found a small (very small) room for two on a housing website. That accommodation lasted for about three days and we were back at the Tramper's! God has always provided us with a roof over our head and people to take care of us nearby.

Our next home was in Aagtekerke, nearly twenty minutes outside of Arnemuiden and nothing very useful nearby. We made some great memories in that tiny little trailer that was placed in the backyard of some much larger homes. It was there that we tried an "only fruits and vegetables" diet (short-lived), it was there where I finished up my online degree in Psychology, and where I watched scary movies by myself while I waited for Pieter to get back from work. The owners of that rental home were a true blessing to let us stay there for many many months as the unknown of Pieter's visa continued to weigh us down daily.

After a long fall and winter in Aagtekerke, we knew we had to be moving on. One should not overstay their welcome! So, after scrolling through dozens of housing websites and contacting many reluctant home owners, we came across a quaint beach home in Oostkapelle. This house brought us new hope as we lived there at the time where Pieter's visa was approved and everything was looking very bright for our future! I can close my eyes and remember a day spent in Oostkapelle just like it was yesterday. I had the TLC tv guide memorized and the television stayed on almost all day, keeping me company in the quiet of this spacious home.

Our time in the Oostkappelle beach house, with so much possibility in the air, was brief. After I spent a summer back in the U.S. our search for a new residence had to begin again. By this time, the monotony of packing and unpacking had worn us down. There was no excitement and newness to a new home, and we began to feel tired of having nothing to really call "our own"...

Upon  my next arrival in the chilly air of a late Dutch fall, we had found a vacation rental on the other side of Oostkapelle that was a renovated barn. How neat! We resided here and celebrated our first Thanksgiving together as a married couple. I joined in on the festivities of Saint Nicolas Day and we took our first Christmas card photo together right outside that home in the freezing cold. At this time, we had learned to make the most of every moment and to be thankful for the provisions God had allowed us during our journey from house to house.

Just this past spring, trip number seven for me, we were fortunate enough to be able to occupy Pieter's grandmother's home. With so much space and so many memories from years gone by seeping from the walls and the framework, we were truly grateful for the opportunity to reside in this home. We enjoyed picnics on the roof, watching gorgeous sunsets over the railroad tracks, evening strolls down the abandoned lane nearby, and having a garden to plant and maintain. Beautiful spring and summer days were spent there in the very last days the home would remain in the Tramper family. It was an honor to call it home for the short time that I did.

Now, another Tramper home is in the making. A small (not as small as our first place) apartment near the center of town. With a touch of Pieter's sharp style and a sprinkle of Lydia's colorful charm we are busy making this ordinary space into a haven of safety, love, and hope for ourselves. It was a long journey to get here and we anticipate adding much more to this journey as the years go by.

Making the Transition

It is that time of the year again! I am back in Holland and getting settled in once more. I woke up to gray skies and a rainy day- very discouraging, considering how negative that works towards fighting jetlag. Now, the gorgeous sunshine and blue skies have come out to greet me in Arnemuiden as I sit on the couch, windows open, drinking in the cool evening air.

Our apartment building

My flight and time at the airport all went very well, but having an overnight flight left me more groggy than usual the next day. The jetlag gets me every time!

I was anxious to tour our new Dutch apartment upon my arrival. It is quite a lovely space that my husband and his family worked hard to make look so nice. Now I just have to find a place for everything we have accumulated over the past two years!

I will keep myself quite busy as I get used to “keeping house” again. Oh how I have missed dishes, laundry, sweeping, cleaning, and planning/making dinner! I guess it is good to be back to our little life again, but it will take some getting used to.

A new addition to our lifestyle this time around is the fact that I will be working from home- putting in a few hours every day as a Plexus ambassador, working to improve upon my online business. I will also be taking Dutch lessons twice a week at the local library!

I have been struggling with comprehending, reading, and speaking the Dutch language since the first day I arrived in the Netherlands back in December 2014 for our short, three week, stay. While I have come quite a long way in understanding conversation around me and knowing certain phrases and words, becoming more confident in speaking Dutch, and being more independent here, has been a goal of mine for a while. I have high expectations for the class and for myself, but I am not sure if I am up for the challenge, so I do ask for your prayers as I try this new approach!

Learning Dutch 

During my time away from the U.S. I will try to post every few weeks to keep everyone informed and to remain connected to my friends and family back home. I miss you all and thank you for your continued prayers as I try to balance this “back and forth” life.  

Summer Highlights

After taking a few months off from blogging to soak up every second of summertime that I could, I am back! My arrival back to the United States started off with my little brother's graduation from high school. I am relieved that I am able to plan my trips around being here for monumental and memorable moments like those. I am so proud of my brother and how much he has grown in the past two years. He has become a great friend, advice-giver, and listener for me over the past few months.

My summer involved a whole lot of working. I worked day in and day out as a waitress, but took in every moment knowing it would not last long. I continue to be overwhelmed by how much I enjoy my job and the people I work with. It will be a sad "see you later" once again when I have to leave later this week.

While most of my days were spent working, of course I made time for fun as well! My family was able to vacation for a week at the beach and although it stormed most of the days, just having the family together was enough.

Other highlights include- days spent with friends, my 24th birthday, plenty of cuddles with Hampton (our cat), jump-starting my Plexus journey, getting my hair cut off, and just recently starting a gluten-free diet! These days it can be difficult to picture a clear future, but I remind myself to focus on the little blessings each day brings.

This week, my summer ends. I fly back to my second home to make some more memories, have some new adventures, and spend some much needed quality time with my husband. Our days are no longer spent counting down for our immigration paperwork to be filed and approved. That became less of a focus when we realized how much it was consuming our lives and keeping us from living in the present.

Upon my arrival to Arnemuiden, I anticipate seeing our new apartment as Pieter and his family have been working so hard to get it sanded, painted, decorated, and furnished. It is nice to know we will finally have a place to call "ours" when I am there. We have been in several different vacation rental homes during past trips and this will be a great, positive change for us!

As I fly out this week, I ask for continued prayer for safety, clarity of mind, and peace. I have flown more than sixteen times in the past two years, but I still get anxious about airport security, border control, and fellow passengers that will be accompanying me on my flight.
I will do my best to keep my "blog followers" up to date once a month on any news, trips, adventures, or progress that is made during my September to November trip!

Not Just the Onions

After two and a half months away, it is good to be home!

Upon my arrival back home I began a regimen to better health and to healing some of the damage that has been caused in my body over time. I have good days and bad days, but work keeps me busy, distracted, and fulfilled. I genuinely enjoy taking care of the guests that come into Cracker Barrel. Caring for people's needs is something I always aspired to do and although being a waitress is not the profession I intended, I am grateful I have the ability and opportunity to do so at this time in my life. And for the relationships, personal growth, and leadership skills I have acquired while working as a server, I know they will carry on to wherever and whatever may be up next for me in the years to come.

With all of the energy I expend taking care of other people's needs day after day after day, taking care of my own emotions and frustrations often gets pushed to the back burner. Whenever I do find time to focus on what is currently happening in my life, I start to feel sick. It all gets to be too much.

A few weeks back I was chopping onions at work. My sinuses filled with the strong odor of the crisp veggies, with every slice the smell grew more and more pungent and tears began rolling from my eyes. It is then that I realized I had not cried in a really long time. This was my opportunity to let out all of the bottled up emotions I had regarding how unfair, exhausting, and lonely this process has been for me and my husband. I carry those feelings in my heart and suppress them everyday, hoping they fade as days go by and praying for this burden to soon be lifted from my shoulders.

I found myself researching certain regulations and requirements for European tourism and a certain rule struck my attention. The reality of this rule was quite alarming when I looked at how it could affect me in my future trips to and from the Netherlands. This raises yet another obstacle in the saga of Pieter and Lydia. I ask each of those reading this to say a prayer for God to be ever-present in this situation and that this would finally come to a peaceful end. There is power in prayer and we are thankful that we serve a God who listens to and cares for His children.

Sometimes I do begin to wonder if the resilience of the human mind, heart, and body expires at some point. Is there a point where a person is no longer able to bounce back after life keeps letting them down? If there is, I must be reaching that point. I feel as though I am all out of ideas on how to remain optimistic. No one should ever have to fight this hard to be with the ones they love and desire to share life with. I miss the companionship, support, friendship, and laughter that I share with my husband. I miss him every single day and nothing can fully take that empty feeling away.

Yes, some days are easier than others. But some days, the Devil gets the best of me. Other days, God puts things into perspective and helps me realize that 1.) Some people have it so much worse than I do. 2.) He knows what He's doing. and 3.) I could never do this without Him.

Times Are Changing

The past two months I have spent in Arnemuiden have been different from my other trips here. This segment of time felt more like I had a life here and less like it was just time away from home to spend with my husband. Like always, Pieter and I got into a nice routine of a married couple who went grocery shopping, visited family, went on date nights, and ate dinner together every night. We enjoyed our time together and tried to make the most of it, knowing it would come to an end all too soon.

                         

Just when I am finally feeling settled and happy in one place I have to uproot myself again. I am frustrated that I keep having to toss myself back and forth between lifestyles, time zones, and relationships. It is not healthy and after two and a half years I am starting to see physical and mental repercussions from the ongoing stress I have been under.

I was seriously considering returning to the States a few weeks early due to multiple medical conditions I have been struggling with. Many of my symptoms are difficult to conquer alone and under my current circumstances. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not be tired, stressed out, and anxious all of the time. I have this situation to blame for this early decline in my health and that makes me very angry. 

For anyone who is still trying to keep track of where our immigration journey is taking us, you must realize that both April and May have passed us by and we still have not announced a final answer regarding our waiver. This is because a four month delay was placed on our waiver and we will not hear anything now until August or September. That is almost a year after we filed and almost two years after my husband's visa was refused. We are now looking into other options for our future together. Life is too short to keep putting it on hold waiting for this process to be over. 

Holland, and the people I have come to know here, steal a little more of my heart every time I am able to visit. During this trip I have actually been able to open my mind to the possibility of maybe someday making this my home. While that statement scares me more than I could ever express, it is a thought that I am relieved and proud to finally be able to approach. I am a long way off from full acceptance of this idea, but oddly enough, I think God may be waiting for me to come to a place where I feel comfortable living in either country. Everyday I ponder what His reasoning is behind making us go through all of this. 

Tonight, during my evening stroll, I took part in one of my favorite pastimes- watching the sunset. As the sun painted gorgeous hues of pink, yellow, orange and purple on the evening sky I recalled how simple life used to be. Whenever I was stressed out as a young girl I would write down all my worries in my diary. I had this method of writing what I was struggling with in one column and then a solution (or reassurance statement) in the column next to it. Some of these issues were "I have a huge zit on my chin and look so ugly" "I am so nervous about my presentation in English class next week" "My sister is so much cooler than I am" or "I'll never have a boyfriend, no guys like me". I considered trying this same method with my life issues now. I sit here laughing just thinking about how trivial these problems are to me now! But they were a huge deal to me back then. They were concerns close to my heart that I thought impacted my life in a great way. I would pray about them and work through them, step by step. If God can get me through acne, boy troubles, high school, and self esteem problems, He can help me tackle the issues I am facing in life right now. After all, what is there that my God cannot do? (Luke 18:27) 

It Is Well

Fifteen days in Zeeland and my Yankee candles are already halfway burnt out. That could have something to do with us living by horse stables though. The smell can get pretty fierce. 

My pre-occupation with getting settled back into my Netherlands home has distracted me from dwelling too much on our current misfortune. We are living in house number seven.  I have had to pack up and set up home more times than most people do their entire lives. I guess I should consider myself experienced in many areas at this point. Flying across the Atlantic ocean, conquering jetlag symptoms, maintaining an on-again-off-again job_ these are my life achievements thus far! Our current most rewarding achievement as a couple is the fact that we now have a full-size couch in our living room, not just a loveseat. 

 

The month of March has come and gone and it seems as if April will do just exactly the same. It is, afterall, already half over. Last year at this time my husband and I were sharing in so much hope, joy, and anticipation as his visa was about to be approved. I still have the perfume I was using last spring and on the rare occasion that I do wear it, the sweet scent reminds me of those exciting days. Now, a year later, I cannot help but shake my head, close my eyes, and take a deep breath at the thought of where time has brought us. 

The highlights shown above are the flowers I planted over the weekend, Pieter's new car, date night to see Beauty and the Beast, and my very first canvas painting! It's never a dull moment when the two of us are together. There have been many lazy dinners on the couch, failed experimental dinner recipes, spontaneous outings to McDonald's, and evening strolls. . . and it is just the beginning of us making memories together in 2017. 

As many of you know, March was the month we were looking forward to. Five months was the initial amount of time we were told it would take to process our final waiver paperwork. After my husband's careful calculation of other waivers processing times in the past few months, he figured out that our new date to anticipate receiving the "denial or the approval notice" is around May 11th. Almost exactly a year from when we thought he would return to the U.S. in 2016. Although, we could very well receive the news at any time. With every day that passes, I only get more anxious for this to all finally be over.

At this time we cannot reveal any type of plan we have for after we receive the thumbs up or the thumbs down from immigration. After a year of talking about it, praying about it, and considering our options, we are unable to make any concrete plans until we know what direction God is leading us in.

In the meantime, we humbly and desperately ask for your prayers. I firmly believe we are in the final leg of this seemingly never-ending marathon we have been a part of together for the last twenty-eight months. And as I sit here trying my hardest to come up with some ingenious statement to say how my faith has grown, sometimes song lyrics say what is on our heart better than our own words ever could.

My new inspirational and encouraging Christian song that I have been listening to these days is "Even If" by MercyMe. I believe that every person that hears this beautiful ballad has their own wave of emotions that sweep through their mind as they listen to the words and the cries of this song. Emotions that were caused by a trial they endured in life. 

At my young age of 23 I have been through some minor setbacks and have had my share of regrets and painful memories from years past, but this monumental, life-altering, current setback that my husband and I refer to as "the situation" would take the prize as being the biggest trial in my life thus far. It is a worry, a burden, and a battle everyday... a fear and a dread that I would not wish on my worst enemy to have your life, dreams, future, and your marriage hanging in the balance. My prayer is that I am able to take the strength, faith, and endurance I have accumulated during this trial to the next inevitable dark patch that the Lord brings me to. I hope that throughout the next 50+ years I have on this earth, God will allow me to walk out of the valley saying "It is well, it is well with my soul" each and every time. 

32 miles to 3,876 miles

Driving home from Harrisonburg tonight, I decided to take route 11. I needed some time to just drive and make it feel like I was going somewhere. Route 11 is the road I took many many times to visit Pieter back when we were dating. I had just gotten my license and was not yet comfortable driving on interstate 81. Back when he was just a 45 minute drive away. I would give almost anything to go back to just having one more carefree day like we had back then.

July 2013

Tonight I found myself turning the music up way too loud to drown out any thoughts that may creep into my mind. Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" came on and I karaoked every word to it perfectly as I drove through the back roads of Mount Jackson. A few songs in, my vocal cords needed a rest and I felt like I may be disturbing the peace, so I turned on my Christian music playlist and the recently played song came on.

The past few weeks I have been stuck on listening to Hilary Scott's song "Thy Will". I had been introduced to the song when it first came out, but could not really get over her not singing with Lady Antebellum. But a few weeks back this song came on the radio and it really spoke to me. Ever since then, I have listened to it over and over again and now know every word by heart. I hide the words of this song in my heart as I so badly want it to be my prayer.

Almost daily I have someone approach me who wants to know something regarding my husband's immigration case. Especially now that immigration has become a huge headline in the media and in politics. I give them the current update and let them know what is up ahead for us, all while smiling and nodding politely. People say I hold it together so well, and maybe I do compose a nice facade from day to day, but what else am I supposed to do? Hide under the covers and feel sorry for myself? No way!

Recently, I have realized just how much I have to be grateful for. I barely recognize the girl I was before my life changed drastically on January 10th, 2015. I have had the opportunity to grow as a woman, to begin leading and succeeding at work as new doors open, to make friends I never thought I was capable of making, to muster up faith from I don't even know where to support my husband, and to grow with him as we face challenges together. Life continues to come together even though we continue to wait for the imminent "falling apart".

With those friends, the growth, the memories made, and the doors of opportunity being opened it leaves me wondering, waiting, and worrying that with all of this that I continue to build and cultivate, would God really take that from me? Would it really be "His Will" to give me success with my job, a loving family, supportive friends who need me, and dreams to build a life here... just to take all that away? Would God really take us through two and half years of fighting to get Pieter to the United States, just to have it end in a permanent denial? This perplexes me and leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. All I can say is that the words  "trust", "hope", and "faith"  all have new, much stronger, meaning to me. They mean more to me now than they ever did before.

While there is a distinct possibility of the two scenarios above becoming a reality, I have to believe the truth that I have been taught all my life. That God really does love me, He wants what is best for me, His Word is true, His plan is best, and He does hear my prayers. These are not just automatic feelings that I wake up having every morning. They are truths that I must remind myself of over and over again daily.