 |
| July 2013 |
Tonight I found myself turning the music up way too loud to drown out any thoughts that may creep into my mind. Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" came on and I karaoked every word to it perfectly as I drove through the back roads of Mount Jackson. A few songs in, my vocal cords needed a rest and I felt like I may be disturbing the peace, so I turned on my Christian music playlist and the recently played song came on.
The past few weeks I have been stuck on listening to Hilary Scott's song "Thy Will". I had been introduced to the song when it first came out, but could not really get over her not singing with Lady Antebellum. But a few weeks back this song came on the radio and it really spoke to me. Ever since then, I have listened to it over and over again and now know every word by heart. I hide the words of this song in my heart as I so badly want it to be my prayer.
Almost daily I have someone approach me who wants to know something regarding my husband's immigration case. Especially now that immigration has become a huge headline in the media and in politics. I give them the current update and let them know what is up ahead for us, all while smiling and nodding politely. People say I hold it together so well, and maybe I do compose a nice facade from day to day, but what else am I supposed to do? Hide under the covers and feel sorry for myself? No way!
Recently, I have realized just how much I have to be grateful for. I barely recognize the girl I was before my life changed drastically on January 10th, 2015. I have had the opportunity to grow as a woman, to begin leading and succeeding at work as new doors open, to make friends I never thought I was capable of making, to muster up faith from I don't even know where to support my husband, and to grow with him as we face challenges together. Life continues to come together even though we continue to wait for the imminent "falling apart".
With those friends, the growth, the memories made, and the doors of opportunity being opened it leaves me wondering, waiting, and worrying that with all of this that I continue to build and cultivate, would God really take that from me? Would it really be "His Will" to give me success with my job, a loving family, supportive friends who need me, and dreams to build a life here... just to take all that away? Would God really take us through two and half years of fighting to get Pieter to the United States, just to have it end in a permanent denial? This perplexes me and leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. All I can say is that the words "trust", "hope", and "faith" all have new, much stronger, meaning to me. They mean more to me now than they ever did before.
While there is a distinct possibility of the two scenarios above becoming a reality, I have to believe the truth that I have been taught all my life. That God really does love me, He wants what is best for me, His Word is true, His plan is best, and He does hear my prayers. These are not just automatic feelings that I wake up having every morning. They are truths that I must remind myself of over and over again daily.
.jpg)
