How do we do it?

How does one maintain a relationship when they only see each other for short segments at a time throughout the year? I have had many people who have been curious about this subject. It doesn't seem possible to carry on a long distance relationship between states in the U.S. much less a relationship with an ocean and a $700 plane ticket in the way!

Pieter and I dated long distance for about 14 months total before we got married. This involved various letters and perfume-scented cards sent in the mail, emails sent about how our day was just about every night, scheduling times to skype, and even Pieter calling me at 4am Netherlands time to talk to me at 10pm U.S. time before I went to sleep! We would dream together and hope for the future together just about every time we talked. Imagining how wonderful it would be to finally enjoy each other's company in person was what kept the relationship going, that, and common goals and interests (like any other relationship). Through this long distance bond we created a unique relationship and a lasting friendship.

Although it may not be the ideal way of dating, we certainly made it work. The day we became husband and wife was the day we had waited for and dreamed of all those months as we dated. As I vowed to share life with this man I was sure that I would never have to go another day without him by my side. I was thrilled to finally be settled down and have us both in one place to begin our life together. No more skype dates, late night phone calls, or emotional emails would have to be sent! He would be right there for me in person whenever I needed him and we could finally be a normal couple. 

That lasted for a short four months.

A long distance marriage is certainly different from a long distance relationship. It is something we have both grown used to, but would still not wish it upon our worst enemy. This type of marriage takes extra patience, strength, dedication, and determination. We have had to put all those dreams and hopes we once had  up on a shelf for a day we can only pray will eventually come . Very few conversations are spent talking of future children, pets, jobs, houses, or trips, because we no longer know where our future will take place.

We try to stay strong for each other and build the other one up when he or she is discouraged, but even that has become a struggle. Yet, somehow we manage still to make one another laugh. Whether it's my crazy to-do lists that I ramble on about, or reminiscing about the past, or something that happened at work... our friendship has withstood many trials and triumphs, but it still remains.

Left to Right: Vlissingen 2016, Bus ride in Eindhoven 2015, Paris 2016, and date night 2013.

Truth is, I would not want to "do life" with anyone else. Would I prefer for my husband and I to be together in one country for longer than 3 months? Yes. But this is our life. I was called to go on this journey for a reason. I will continue to support and encourage my husband. I will fight for him and stand up for him for however long it takes for this situation to be resolved. I pray each day that that will be soon. 

Life Goes On

As the month of August comes to an end, I feel one of my favorite times of the year closely drawing near. The air is cooler, the leaves have begun to blow in the wind, and the smell of pumpkin and cinnamon candles fills my room. September will come and Pieter and I will spend our 2nd wedding anniversary apart. My husband's 29th birthday will be on September 21st and I will not get to celebrate it with him. The thought of missing out on those special times together makes my heart sad.

Days keep dragging by. The reality of my young, married life being put on hold becomes more and more discouraging each day. I went through the boxes of the contents of our apartment today and my heart hurt at the reminder of all the lost memories. Planning for the future has become impossible. There is a constant looming of "what if the waiver gets denied?" and "what if the waiver gets approved?" It has become a battle of the mind. Some days I am optimistic and trust that God is in control of our future, other days I become terrified at the thought of my life being turned completely upside down. I am tired of living this way and we are ready for an answer, either way. After we have an answer we can plan accordingly. Where we will live, where we will work, when I will return to school...

People ask how we are doing and if we have had any progress in getting Pieter back to America. There has been quite a delay on filing, but everything will be in order next week and once we file, processing takes 2-4 months. It will be entirely in God's hands then.

People say that God never gives a person more than he or she can handle. All I know is that, without Him, I couldn't handle this. I would have collapsed in a heap a long time ago. When the burden becomes too much to bear, I listen to one of my new favorite songs, "Cast my Cares" by Finding Favour. It is hard to believe that it has been almost two years since this ordeal began, but I keep pushing on each day, because that is all I can do.