Blank Slate

I stepped out of my warm, eucalyptus-filled bedroom into the hallway where I imagined Pieter standing in the doorway to surprise me with his return. This has been a regular occurrence during many lonely evenings in the past three years, but tonight it seemed almost as if it could be possible. I shuffled back to my bedroom in my over-sized slippers after filling up my humidifier and got back to work, with the music turned up loud to drown out the silence.
I have had the busiest two days off trying to keep up with unavoidable responsibilities such as car maintenance, searching for apartments, grocery shopping, restarting my gym membership, and de-cluttering my bedroom. As I begin this new year, all that is missing is him...

My goals for this year are unusually abstract. I tend to appreciate having a well thought out plan of action, but all my plans tend to veer off into small trails of “what if's” and “maybe so's”. I just cannot seem to figure out where it is I am heading. Maybe you're feeling the same way this time of year when it seems like everyone else has it all figured out. But trust me, they don't.

I had convinced myself I was moving to the Netherlands in 2018. I will admit, running away from this chaos oftentimes seems appealing. My twenties will be half over in July and I feel as if I have very few of my personal goals accomplished. Some people long for a blank slate, but I am about to have one when my husband returns and I do not have a clue what the next chapter will hold!

We are now repeating all of the processes we went through last spring, before border security denied our paperwork. Today was the first appointment for the process in gaining our official marriage visa. Pieter reports that it went well. In two and a half weeks Pieter will have another appointment and after that we will be much closer to the end of all of this. We are excited to be together once again in February!