The past two months I have spent in Arnemuiden have been different from my other trips here. This segment of time felt more like I had a life here and less like it was just time away from home to spend with my husband. Like always, Pieter and I got into a nice routine of a married couple who went grocery shopping, visited family, went on date nights, and ate dinner together every night. We enjoyed our time together and tried to make the most of it, knowing it would come to an end all too soon.
I was seriously considering returning to the States a few weeks early due to multiple medical conditions I have been struggling with. Many of my symptoms are difficult to conquer alone and under my current circumstances. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not be tired, stressed out, and anxious all of the time. I have this situation to blame for this early decline in my health and that makes me very angry.
For anyone who is still trying to keep track of where our immigration journey is taking us, you must realize that both April and May have passed us by and we still have not announced a final answer regarding our waiver. This is because a four month delay was placed on our waiver and we will not hear anything now until August or September. That is almost a year after we filed and almost two years after my husband's visa was refused. We are now looking into other options for our future together. Life is too short to keep putting it on hold waiting for this process to be over.
Holland, and the people I have come to know here, steal a little more of my heart every time I am able to visit. During this trip I have actually been able to open my mind to the possibility of maybe someday making this my home. While that statement scares me more than I could ever express, it is a thought that I am relieved and proud to finally be able to approach. I am a long way off from full acceptance of this idea, but oddly enough, I think God may be waiting for me to come to a place where I feel comfortable living in either country. Everyday I ponder what His reasoning is behind making us go through all of this.
Tonight, during my evening stroll, I took part in one of my favorite pastimes- watching the sunset. As the sun painted gorgeous hues of pink, yellow, orange and purple on the evening sky I recalled how simple life used to be. Whenever I was stressed out as a young girl I would write down all my worries in my diary. I had this method of writing what I was struggling with in one column and then a solution (or reassurance statement) in the column next to it. Some of these issues were "I have a huge zit on my chin and look so ugly" "I am so nervous about my presentation in English class next week" "My sister is so much cooler than I am" or "I'll never have a boyfriend, no guys like me". I considered trying this same method with my life issues now. I sit here laughing just thinking about how trivial these problems are to me now! But they were a huge deal to me back then. They were concerns close to my heart that I thought impacted my life in a great way. I would pray about them and work through them, step by step. If God can get me through acne, boy troubles, high school, and self esteem problems, He can help me tackle the issues I am facing in life right now. After all, what is there that my God cannot do? (Luke 18:27)
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