This evening, while completing the tasks that have been on my 'to do' list for about three weeks now, I peered out my window and caught a glimpse of the sun setting. An emotion- filled sigh followed and I paused from my busyness to think "another day over, another day closer". Time becomes something all so different when you are waiting for big, life altering, news.
This ongoing challenge that I face each day of maintaining a long distance marriage and keeping our life on hold as we wait to see which direction our future will go has taught me to pray in a manner of surrender. Praying with an "I will" and a "Guide me" attitude that is willing to give up "my plan" in order to follow through with God's perfect plan for my life. This has easily been the most painful and loneliest two years of my life on this earth so far. If my high school self had known this was what was up ahead, maybe she would have been more grateful for what she had and not been so worried about minor life decisions and trying to make friends.
In the past 13 months I have dealt with the loss of a loved one, the death of two family pets, a medical procedure, sick family members, and a medical diagnosis all on my own. I have attended countless birthdays, sporting events, parties, concerts, church services, weddings, and family functions, that I would have rather attended with my husband by my side; all by myself. I have held, not my husband's hand for comfort, but my own hand, through these trying times and have dug deep for strength when all I wanted to do was fall apart. At age 23, I have faced a hurdle and a setback in life that I could have never anticipated and one that very few people even have to consider going through, but I am determined to come out in the end, changed in a positive way_ strengthened.
Since May of 2016, when we received the news that my husband was denied his visa, my faith has developed tremendously. Pieter and I remind each other often that we do not hold our trust in "the system", or border security, or a man behind the desk, but in God. Whenever we start to analyze and research information regarding immigration waivers and the chances that other people have placed on our shot of living together in the U.S. we begin to feel discouraged and out of control. Truth is, it is out of our control! And it is scary! But knowing that we have given a God who moves mountains all of our concerns and fears takes the weight from our shoulders on days when it is just too much to bear.
For those of you who I run into around town who ask how things are going or remind me that you are praying for Pieter and I, thank you. You will never know how much that support means to both of us. As many times as I have heard "I'm praying for you" over the past two years and even more in the past eight months I know that God is right in the middle of our situation and am assured that He is working all of this out in His time. I knew this winter would be long, as I waited to fly back over to the Netherlands at the end of March, but I had no idea how restless I would grow to be. Patience is in short supply these days, for both Pieter and I. We are anxious to finally be done with this long journey. I feel God leading me to do so many great things for Him, but patiently, I will wait until He says "Go"...
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